Tell Her This
by live2rite
Summary: Harm listens to Del Amitri and makes a realisation. Harm/Mac. Set just before Mac's wedding to Mic.


Harm couldn't believe how badly he had screwed this up. He had known that there was no way he would have been able to actually go to Mac's wedding to Mic but he knew that he had hurt her by waiting until now to drop the bombshell. It had been convenient really, the quals happening the day before her wedding. But the last thing he had wanted was to hurt her and to see the look on her face nearly destroyed his heart. He decided not to dwell on it anymore, he knew he would have ruined the day for her anyway and at least this way he wouldn't mess up the wedding pictures. He quickly turned on the radio as the news was finishing to distract himself. The DJ then announced that the next song was from Tom to Alyson and that he was so sorry for hurting her. Harms attention was wandering again to Mac when he heard the first lines of the song.

_Tell her not to go  
I aint holding on no more  
Tell her something in my mind freezes up from time to time_

Harm knew that was true, he wasn't holding onto anything anymore, all he wanted to do was to be with her but every time he had tried to say that to her since he had told her 'not yet' in Australia his brain had frozen and stopped him.__

Tell her not to cry  
I just got scared that's all  
Tell her I'll be by her side, all she has to do is call

_All she has to do is call_

Harm couldn't continue to drive whilst this song was on and pulled into a nearby gas station. He was scared, scared of Mac turning him down, scared of losing her friendship, scared of lots of things. He couldn't believe he was running away from her when she needed him. He had told her before that he would always be there for her when she needed him, that all she had to do was call. He lay his head on his hands on his steering wheel with his eyes closed listening to the rest of the song.__

Tell her the chips are down  
I drank too much and shouted it aloud  
Tell her something in my heart  
Needs her more than even clowns need the laughter of the crowd

Well the chips were down, this was the final chance he had to tell her how he felt. Otherwise she would marry Bugme and he wouldn't be able to do anything about his feelings ever again. He realised that he did need her more than anything, even more than being able to fly!__

Tell her what was wrong  
I sometimes think too much  
But say nothing at all  
And tell her from this high terrain, I am ready now to fall

_I am ready now to fall_

He wasn't scared anymore, he was ready to put everything on the line and just see what happens.__

Tell her not to go  
I aint holding on no more  
Tell her nothing if not this; all I want to do is kiss her

Tell her something in my mind  
Freezes up from time to time.

He couldn't believe how well this song described him and Mac. He lifted his head and looked at the road. He knew what was down the road towards Norfolk, he would do his quals and then he would be back and Mac would be married. She wouldn't turn Mic down now without good reason. What would happen if he turned back towards DC now? He had no idea. He knew that he was still going out with Renee and his officer and gentleman instincts wouldn't let him do anything until at least he was a free man. He glanced down both roads again and indicated to start back to towards DC. His heart set on reaching Mac.

When he reached DC, he quickly made his way to Renee's apartment to end things with her. He at least knew that he could no longer see her when he was in love with someone else, it just wasn't fair to her or him. As he was waiting for her to answer he didn't really know what he was going to say but as he saw her face light up at the sight of him, he knew he had to tell her fast. It was scary; really, he would reflect afterwards, how quickly her reaction had gone from joyous, to sad, to downright scary. She started screaming at him.

"You're leaving me for HER aren't you, you idiot! She's getting married, she doesn't love you!"

"I'm sorry Renee, I can't love you the way you need, the way you deserve. Mac is irrelevant to this, my heart belongs to someone else" he tried to reason and turned to leave, "For what it's worth, I know you'll find a really great guy one day" and left the apartment without any further delay. He felt freer than he had in years and started to drive his car towards Mac's place. As he knocked on the second door of the morning, he felt scared again. Was he doing the right thing? As he saw Mac, all impulses to run vanished and he knew he really was doing the right thing.

"Harm!" she exclaimed as she smiled at the sight of him and then frowned as she realised how unsure he looked, "Are you ok?" she asked.

"Can I come in?" he asked. Mac nodded and stood aside to allow him into her home. He looked around and then asked.

"Is Brumby here?"

"No" she responded. Harm nodded and then made his way over to the stereo in the corner and searched through her CD's. If he remembered correctly from the last time they were listening to music she had one of Del Amitri's albums and he needed her to listen to his song. He found it and put the song on to play. As the lyrics swirled through the room, he saw the exact moment that she realised what he was saying. On the 'I aint holding on no more' line, she gasped and looked into Harm's eyes. He held her gaze as the rest of the song played and he turned off the stereo. There was about 10 minutes of silence before Harm finally got up the courage to speak.

"I realise that this is probably the last thing you want to hear right now, and I apologise for saying this right now instead of way before now. I was scared Mac, pure and simple but what scares me more is that you are going to marry another man and you think that I can't let go. I have decided that you're more important to me than anything ... including flying which is why I'm here and not at Norfolk. This is me letting go, I love you more than I can ever say and I hope to God that I'm not too late" Again there was a long pause whilst she stared at him.

"You say this now, the day before I'm going to get married to another man, Harm. Why couldn't you tell me this in Australia! I should kick your ass right now!" she yelled.

"Not arguing with you" he said, "I can't believe that a stupid song has made me realise what an idiot I have been and if you want me to leave, I will"

"Harm, I don't know what to do here, I need time" she said desperately.

"We're out of time here Mac, but I'm gonna leave now anyway, I want you to just think about this. If you decide that you still want to marry Brumby, I won't stand in your way, but I love you and I couldn't let you marry him without knowing that, I just want you to be happy" he walked towards the door but as he passed her, he pulled her into a hug, crushing her to him. He let his head drop to her neck and took in her scent, murmuring "I love you" before quickly releasing her and walking out of the apartment. Once outside he stopped and allowed the tears to flow. He didn't know what she was going to do. Whether she was still going to marry Brumby, whether she loved him too or whether she wanted to kill him. He sighed and once again made his way to his car. He decided to take comfort in the familiar and drove to JAG and threw himself in his work. About half an hour before quitting time, a yell from Admiral Chegwidden's office broke his concentration.

"Rabb! Get your six in here now!" Harm moved quickly and came to attention in front of the Admiral in record time noticing the angry Australian ex-officer there. "What have you got to say for yourself?" the admiral demanded causing Harm to be confused, there's no way to would be here to be drilled out about his feelings for Mac is there.

"Sir?" he questioned, still at attention.

"I've just heard from Brumby here that Mackenzie has cancelled the wedding and ended things with him and the only reason she has been able to give through her tears is you!" he yelled, "What the hell have you done this time" he finished. Harm felt first dismay that Mac was upset to the extent of crying and hope that she had apparently ended things with Brumby that he dropped his attention and turned to hopefully face his commanding officer.

"She has?" he asked hopefully, a fact that didn't go unnoticed by the Admiral or, unfortunately, Mic.

"Why you ba..." Mic started but was stopped by the Admiral's quick.

"As you were, both of you" and they both snapped to attention, "Now, I don't care what personal issue's you two have, I will not have them affect this office, however I do suggest that you all, including Mac find a way to work this out and soon"

"That will not be necessary Admiral, I'm leaving for Australia tomorrow, if Mac no longer wants me then there's no reason to stay" Harm couldn't pay any more attention to the words around him, he was thinking only of reaching Mac and he cut across Brumby to speak to the Admiral.

"Permission to leave Sir" he asked quickly.

"Permission Grant..." the Admiral started but Harm was already half way through the door. As he reached his office, he paused. Where would she be? She wouldn't be at her apartment, he knew that, as she would want to be alone and being there would mean that she would be getting interruptions from work, Bugme and him. But he was determined to find her and picked up his jacket and bolted down the stairs and jumped into his car. He tried all their usual haunts and even his safe house on the boat on the docks but she was nowhere to be found. Finally out of desperation, he made his way to the wall where he always went to think. As he pulled into park he noticed there was a single figure stood into front of the wall where his dads name was and even at this distance his heart leapt. It was Mac. He hurriedly made his way over and stopped short at what she was saying.

"... I just don't know what to do. Should Harm and I make a go of it? We always seem to say the wrong thing to each other and I couldn't bear it if it didn't work out. I just can't marry Mic now, after Harm saying that. I don't love him like I love Harm. It would be kinda impossible now to find anyone who matches up to him because of all the things we've been through together. Please help me" she finished on a whisper and reached a hand up to trail the name of Harm's father.

"Mac" Harm whispered. Mac jumped around at the voice behind her.

"Harm, don't do that, don't you know it's hazardous to your health to sneak up on a marine?" she frowned, "What are you doing here?" she asked.

"I'm looking for you, the Admiral chewed my ass out about you and Brumby breaking off the wedding, he seemed to think it was my fault" he gave her a small half grin.

"I don't know what I want. God you've had six years to tell me this and you! ... You decide to tell me the day before I'm due to marry another man!" she yelled.

"I know I should have told you earlier, but I'm telling you now" he stepped closer and pulled her to him. His heart soared as she tightened her arms around his waist and sighed into his neck. He didn't rush her, he knew that this was as hard for her as it was for him.

"Harm, I know I can't marry Mic because I don't love him the way I love you but I can't just jump straight into a relationship with you either. Can you give me some time to figure this out for myself?" she asked. Harm couldn't quite smile as she looked up at him as he realised that it was stupid to think that she would just want to fall into his arms. Instead he spoke from his heart.

"I'll wait as long as you need Sarah"

"The Admiral has approved the request I made today, I'm going TAD to the Guadalcanal for a while" she stopped at the look on Harm's face. "I'm not running away Harm, do you hear me? I just need the space"

"Can I write to you, call you?" he asked. She smiled.

"You better"

"So why did you come here?" Harm asked.

"I knew it worked for you when you needed answers; I just thought I'd try it out"

"And ..." he asked tentatively.

"I think your dads a good listener"

"When do you leave?" he needed to know and there was a slight pause.

"Tomorrow afternoon" she replied, sadly. They both stood staring at each other and then Mac spoke again. "Can I stay with you tonight?"

"Of course," Harm replied at once, "But why?"

"I want to be with you tonight" she told him softly, "Besides I really don't want to be at my place"

"Ok, well I'll meet you there"

They walked back to their cars and followed each other back to Harm's apartment. When they entered, Harm took off his jacket and Mac followed suit, both hanging them up.

"Do you want a drink?" Harm asked.

"No I'm really tired, I think I'll just crash early" Mac smiled.

"Help yourself to everything, you know where it is"

Mac made her way into his bedroom and came out a few minutes later wearing one of Harms large NAVY t-shirts and a pair of well worn shorts. The clothes were really big on her but she looked adorable to his eyes.

"Do you want to get ready now?" she asked.

"Yeah just a minute" he replied and rushed into his bedroom and quickly donned a pair of boxers and another NAVY t-shirt, "Ok Mac" he called and she came walking shyly into the bedroom. They both lay down and Harm pulled her close to him and she put her head on his shoulder and wrapped her arm around his waist. She sighed and smiled as she inhaled the scent that was uniquely Harm.

"Goodnight Sarah" Harm whispered.

"Goodnight Harm"

The next morning and afternoon went by way to quickly for Harms liking, he got up and spent the day helping Mac pack and leave. The weeks following were long and tedious. The brightest part of every day were when he received emails from Mac and the weekly phone call she made. Finally, two long months after she left, she was coming back home. Harm couldn't sit still all day; he knew she would be arriving today but not when. Finally, just after lunch he heard Bud's excited voice greet her in the bullpen and he was out of his seat walking towards them before she could even respond to Bud. He stood in front of her grinning down at her and she smiled back.

"Mac ..." he breathed but was interrupted by the Admiral's holler.

"Mackenzie, get in here now!" They both cringed and Mac shrugged and walked into the Admirals office. As she turned to shut the door, she locked eyes with Harm as he watched from Coates desk. Then she disappeared behind the door and Harm was once again waiting.

"Sir, can I get you something?" Coates asked from behind him, shaking him from his reverie.

"No, sorry, I'll just get out of your hair" He walked back to his office and sat down heavily. He couldn't wait until they talked properly tonight. He looked at the picture of him, Mac and baby AJ and smiled as he tried to get back to work. There was a soft knocking at his door later that afternoon. "Enter" he called without looking up but when he did so, his heart stopped in his chest, "Mac" he sighed. She smiled at him and shut the door before taking a seat before him.

"Hi" she said softly, "So I see you've managed to stay out of trouble?" she smirked.

"Yeah, since I didn't have you to lead me astray" Harm smirked back.

"So we need to talk" she stated, "You want to come round to mine after work?" she asked. Harm nodded. "Ok then" she stood up and started to walk to the door, but paused as her hand touched the handle. She turned and closed the distance between Harm and herself, leaning over him as he sat in the chair. "I love you" she whispered before closing the final few inches of distance and placing a warm kiss on his lips, to which Harm immediately responded by pulling her onto his lap. They pulled apart reluctantly, after a few minutes.

"We can't really do this here" Harm smiled at her.

"No we can't" Mac said as she placed another quick kiss on his lips and straightening her skirt as she walked to the door, "See ya later Flyboy" she grinned before walking out. Harm sat in his chair for a few minutes as he processed what had just happened and then he smiled broadly.

Tonight was gonna be interesting!

The End.

A.N. Ok so I was gonna have the whole scene at Mac's apartment but I felt the story was complete here. I hope you all like and please review, thanks Nicki xoxo


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